However, it didn't occur to me that Herschel wasn't the only one in need of attention...
Firion has passed away just moments ago, due to possibly ammonia poisoning, despite having changed the water not even a week ago. The water was already somehow dirty, and Firion was showing signs of discontent with the water, but I didn't realize until tonight when he was jumping out of the water to sit on top of his floating log. This naturally surprised me as he has never done anything of the sort before. I let him back into the water slowly by submerging the log enough for him to get back, but when he did it a second time, I knew something was wrong.
Upon looking it up on the internet, I quickly learned that the water conditions were not up to par for Firion, and really wished that I had gotten the water testing solutions that I've seen at PetSmart that I've been meaning to go to since the first two goldfish died. I've been suspecting that the tap water we get is not healthy for them, and needed confirmation. I have yet to have a chance to get to a PetSmart to pick them up for both Herschel and Firion's sake, which is mind boggling considering how frequently Vicki makes me go there normally. Every day, everyone is too busy or tired to take me to PetSmart, and it may partially be because of me needing someone to drive me to work due to myself not being insured or have my own car down here in Florida. I'm naturally just as tired as anyone here, possibly more, but my priorities have been listed and knew what needed to be done. However, this is where the lack of cooperation comes in and what ultimately happened was me getting dragged around to other stores for hours, away from Firion even longer than needed to be when I'm away for work most of the time already. I don't get my things, and I lose more precious time when I was thought that we were going to get what I needed.
Maybe all the timing was just horribly bad. Me getting a job at Halloween City taking away more of my time, winning the three goldfishes from the carnival, having a vacation planned for going back up north in just over a week... Everything seemed to have taken my time away from Firion an awful lot, and I feel horrible right now, not being able to spend as much time as I'd liked to in his last, few, stressful, lonely days... Tonight even, after learning that the water conditions weren't good enough for Firion, I stupidly mention putting him in spring water to get him out of the tap water that I've been suspecting of harming my fish that I haven't been able to test yet. With a panicked heart, I rush out to get a gallon of spring water from the nearest grocery store which was closed. The second nearest being Wal Mart, we got our water there and rushed back home, but by then, Firion had been desperate to get out of the water that he was in, but I wasn't there to help him. Hell, we even HAVE bottled water, and going out to get a gallon of it was totally unnecessary. Vicki, who was in a worse of a panic, had taken Firion's log out of his bowl so that he wouldn't suffocate himself on the log, even though bettas can breathe air, and kept him in the harmful waters forcibly. I told her on the phone to put the log back in and to let him do what he needs to do, but she refused. I decided to not fight her lack of cooperation here and to let her put Firion in the pre-prepared water that I had ready for Herschel that I kept, just in case. When I came home with the gallon of water in hand, I rushed to Firion's side, but he was already weak. Too weak to even move his muscles properly. Being forced in the harmful water may have given him ammonia poisoning... He could barely swim straight to get some air.
I cleaned his bowl as thoroughly as I can, not wanting to leave any trace of ammonia in there. I poured the gallon of water in the bowl and poured some water conditioner in it as well. I go back to check out Firion, and he's barely moving at all, it's hard to tell that he's even alive. I saw his right pelvic fin twitching, so his vitals were still functioning. A light tap gave Firion the strength to awkwardly swim up to the surface for one last gasp of air. His swim bladder was already affected and could not swim normally. By the time I finished preparing the bowl though, Firion wasn't moving. I used the cup he came in to scoop him in from the pre-prepared water to his spring-water-filled bowl, but he was just getting swept around by the water current it created. I tried carrying him up to the surface, but he didn't react. It was too late... He was gone...
 |
| The last photo taken of him alive. |
Firion "Feesh"
November 20, 2010 ~ November 5th, 2012
R.I.P.
The best, desktop buddy a guy can have.
Right now, Firion is atop his rock, inside his bowl full of clear, spring water. I'm wondering where would be the most appropriate location for his burial. He deserves more than the side of the house where the goldfishes were buried which is prone to stray cats pooping on top of, which there are sickeningly too many of here. I would like for him to be buried near his home, but anywhere near his home would be prone to the same problem. It's not like he's been anywhere else in his life, despite me wanting to let him see more than this small, cramped room, being the only reliable sanctuary from the cats inside the house. It saddens me that he really didn't have anywhere else to go but be with me throughout his life, and I wasn't able to do even that due to work and bullshit events to drag me out to. I feel so horrible that I couldn't even satisfy my own expectations for what I wanted to do for Firion in his lifetime.
This sense of powerlessness is absolutely revolting... I feel like I am a waste of space that can't even get to work without someone else driving me, or even to pick up essential needs for keeping my best buddy in health. I thought I was better off now, now that I have a job and experience, but what good did that really do for me? It gave me muscles. It gave me buying power. It helped define who I am... but did it really? I guess it's natural for someone who experienced a huge loss like this to feel unstable, but to have feeling proud and confident from having jobs to absolutely lost... It makes me feel like my confidence really has no meaning. It certainly didn't for the goldfishes...
It feels like an awfully huge loss even on the site, since he played a big part of the blog especially early on. He will forever be remembered on the site as the best, smartest, pet fish I've had. I would have liked to celebrate our 2 year anniversary, even though I wouldn't be here with him since I would have been in New Jersey...
I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you really needed me, Firion... I hope you'll forgive me for the horribly sheltered life you had... Good bye, buddy... I'll miss you...
Edit: For those of you who currently have pet fish, if you haven't considered testing your tank's water yet, these two links may offer information that may help you avoid the same problem that I had.
http://www.oscarfishlover.com/water-test-kits
http://www.h2ou.com/h2wtrqual.htm
No comments:
Post a Comment