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Monday, April 8, 2013

Demotivational Post

It certainly does seem like I've been updating a lot less frequently on this blog for some reason. I shouldn't be any busier than any previous months since the start of 2013, and yet my posting frequency is only decreasing. Why is that? Well, the simple answer is that I am not sure what I should talk about. A lot of things that I had to say have already been said on the blog. I try to bring myself to be more productive, but I end up being too tired from the morning job schedules. I'm wondering whether if this could be a sign of depression causing a lack of motivation on my part to be as productive as I could be. Honestly, I wouldn't doubt it. It's nearing half a year since Firion had passed away, and I certainly don't have much to look forward to each day. And yet, I am still being oppressed by the undeserving cats in this house who are still being pampered by everyone else when Firion never got any attention at all. This isn't a healthy situation I am in, but what else is there for me to do but to shut myself away in the sanctuary that I've made in this room for Firion, all by myself?

Even aside from Firion, I haven't been able to hang out with any of my friends lately as well, for whatever reason. Perhaps everyone else's work schedules and mine don't work out too well; I pretty much work on weekends, while most people work on weekdays. There are so many console games that I'd like to play with friends, but no one can ever come over to play. What little motivation I have for leaving this lonely sanctuary just isn't happening. The fact that I still haven't finished Star Ocean: The Last Hope that I have been looking forward to for the longest time, and after having bought the game when it came out on the PS3 3 years ago is just killing me. Yet, the issue with fleas, dust, smell, and the overall distraction the cats can be is horribly detracting from the idea of sitting in the family room, even to play the game that I've wanted to play for the longest time.

Perhaps the immediate issue that I have right now is that I am lonely. I lost my best, desktop buddy that was always here for me, and my friends are failing to be the supportive pillars that I need right now. I've always known that I was lacking interaction with people, especially after I got banned from Gaia Online. Going back will do me little good as the community there seems to have degenerated to a bunch of younger audiences spamming in majority of the threads, my old Gaian buddies having moved on to other things (probably Facebook?), and how I just can't seem to find the community that I could call home. This is partially why I was throwing around the idea of having a message board for this site, but I'm afraid it hasn't grown big enough to that point yet; nor will it reach that point at the rate I'm going at. At this point, any supporting words are what motivates me, and the only method to achieve that is through comments on the articles; comments of praise or gratitude, even comments of constructive criticism and people's opinions of preference. Any of these comments would give me an idea of what I can talk about on the next few posts I can write. Otherwise, I'm afraid the frequency of my posts on the site will slow down to the point of being an afterthought, and I would rather not let that happen.

To give an idea to my readers, here are some of the things that have been in my potential topics list.
  • Artwork display
    • The people I have asked for art hasn't ever gotten back to me, so I'm afraid this isn't a real option.
  • Deity Wars NN Card Gallery
    • I keep saying that I would do this, and yet it has been delayed for so long, mostly due to how frequently Deity Wars has a new event. 
  • Dark Summoner or Deity Wars Giveaway
    • I intend on doing this once I collected a lot of things to give away, but I could potentially get this set up sooner.  
  • Other game discussions
    • I have no clue what. Favorite Mario Kart 7 kart builds? Another Top 5 Ranking? I haven't thought of anything at this point.
  • League of Legends guides
    • Either Kog'Maw or Elise, probably. I think I need more work on my Dr. Mundo jungling, and I haven't played Leona enough yet for a worthwhile guide.  
  • Guild Wars 2 View Vista Screenshot Gallery
    • They're pretty, and often make nice wallpapers. I've amassed some nice screenshots. Would be nice if I could have noted where each of these were...
Nothing is very concrete yet, and I would like to work on whichever ones that most people are interested in. Please leave a comment if there is anything in particular that you would want me to talk about. 

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